"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered? " ~~ Woody Allen
"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. " ~~ Woody Allen
"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. " ~~ Woody Allen
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I’ve never been an intellectual but I have this look. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. " ~~ Woody Allen
"The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Eighty percent of success is showing up." ~~ Woody Allen