"It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune." ~~ Woody Allen
"I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." ~~ Woody Allen
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. " ~~ Woody Allen
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. " ~~ Woody Allen
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." ~~ Woody Allen