"I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat." ~~ Ann Landers
"Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. " ~~ Rod Serling
"It’s better to be known by six people for something you’re proud of than by 60 million for something you’re not." ~~ Albert Brooks
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. " ~~ Henry Youngman
"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." ~~ Groucho Marx
"We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. " ~~ Albert Einstein
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