"Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. " ~~ Jackie Mason
"Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor. " ~~ Joan Rivers
"Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. " ~~ Albert Einstein
"To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition. " ~~ Woody Allen
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. " ~~ Samuel Goldwyn
"Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat." ~~ Ann Landers
"Success didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable. " ~~ Fran Lebowitz
"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. " ~~ Rod Serling
"It’s better to be known by six people for something you’re proud of than by 60 million for something you’re not." ~~ Albert Brooks
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. " ~~ Henry Youngman
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